Loosing yourself

It’s not until I meet up with a friend by myself or pop to the shop alone that I realise my identity isn’t the same now I am a parent.

My journey started with IUI fertility treatment. I went through this as I was in a same sex relationship. I really wanted a child and so I made it happen. Luckily I was successful. When I chose to have a child I didn’t really realise how my identity would change. Obviously I knew I was going to be a mum but until you are a parent you don’t think about some of the changes to your life.

I’m not your average stereotypical mum. I certainly don’t dress like one and I’m not into all those mum groups and coffee meet ups. Not saying that there is something wrong with these at all. It’s just not me.

Be a single parent it’s really hard to do the things you love that makes you feel a bit more in touch with yourself. For example there are times I’d love to go for a nice walk in the evening or pop to the beach and watch the sunset. However when you have a little one you can’t just do that when they are fast asleep in bed. I love my little one to pieces but it’s been hard for me to loose my identity. Yes I identify as a mum of course. However when you are alone either at work or on a date it’s really hard to then go from a mum to you as a person. It’s almost like I’m having some sort of identity crisis at the moment.

I remember when I was pregnant I felt like I had to be someone I’m not. I’d say I’m fairly tomboy so to be pregnant it felt like something did match up and I did become more feminine because of this. A lot of the time it’s probably because I worry way too much about what others think of me. It doesn’t help when you get called a boy when you have short hair. It’s 2021 women have short hair!

It’s not that I’m not happy identifying as a mum but I am also many other things and I feel like these parts of me get forgotten about. When people ask what are your interests and hobbies I honestly don’t know how to answer because I don’t have any now that I’m a full time mum. I guess I find this upsetting because it shows that I’ve lost myself slightly.

I think it’s time I found a new interest or hobby that I can enjoy for me. Soon my little one will be in nursery. I want to use that time for myself. To do the things I love and maybe I will start to feel a bit more at peace with myself. I’m sure I’m not the only mum out there that feels this way.

Be caring to yourself xx

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