Body Image… let’s update it

Recently I was talking to a women just in conversation about keeping healthy and all of a sudden it straight away turned from talking about food we both eat to feeling bad about our bodies. Why is this? Why do women feel the need to explain ourselves and why we might be overweight or in some cases underweight.

It got me thinking whether this will ever change or if it’s going to be an issue for my daughter too. I clearly don’t agree with being unhealthy however some women out there do try to eat healthy and exercise and there weight still upsets them.

Walk down a street on a hot day and there are men with their tops off; not all having a six pack either some would be a size 18 if they wore women’s clothes. Now if you had a woman do they same they would get so much critic for doing that. In fact so much so if they had the option most if not all wouldn’t take their top off out of judgement and fear.

Why do we have this problem still in our world. Back in the Italian renaissance women were called beautiful for their curvaceous bodies. Artists would make sculptures and they were seen as the norm. Now if you had that people would say it was horrible to look at.

Let’s also remember that women do have a reproductive cycle. This includes the menstrual cycle which does cause our bodies to bloat. Then most of us have babies which completely changes not only our bodies but our hormones that regulates things like our metabolism. Our breasts change and our hips widen. This isn’t anything we have done to change. It is how the female form was created. So why should we be judged for this.

Like mentioned at the start women are also criticised for being too thin too! We honestly can’t win on the body image front. Some women then feel less feminine when their breasts aren’t as big and a lot of the time will get bullied and laughed at because of it. I do know men also get judgement for ‘man boobs’ however for a man it’s not usually the daily struggle that women have to face. Also usually men will find it easier to loose this body fat than a woman would.

I think it’s time to have less body shaming and start to accept that everyone does have a different body shape or different story that has affected their body. I know that when I had my daughter my body was in a lot of pain for many months. So me trying to exercise wasn’t an option and many other women who have had babies will find that it causes them problems. To this day I have a bad back that stops me doing certain things. Even after typing in female body to the image section it comes up with lots of women exercising like that’s what we should all be doing!!

Maybe it’s because I’m nearly 30 but I’ve learnt that if someone can’t love me for me then really it’s their loss not mine. I’m proud of my body it’s been through a lot and yet it is still beautiful in it’s own form. So instead of looking in the mirror feeling sad about yourself why don’t you look at how far you have come and embrace yourself. Pick out three things you love about yourself and remember how beautiful the female body is!

Be caring to yourself xx

SEX! Let’s just talk about it.

The word sex has always been trivial. It creates questions, judgement, secrets and pain. However it should also create passion, fantasy and connection not just with your partner but also with yourself.

A person can have sex for many reasons. It could be to have intimacy with your lover, for fun with someone your dating or with yourself to just let yourself go for once. Unfortunately sex has been made to make us feel shameful and guilty if it’s not for the right reasons; being in a relationship with someone you love.

I’ve recently been thinking about the depth of sex. It’s not talked about enough with friends or family and definitely not in school. Sex can be complicated and we all need a greater understanding of what it is and what could be involved. Firstly I’d like to write about the basics.

What is sex?? Many may think this is a stupid thing to say but If you ask your friends I’m pretty sure they will all come up with different answers. Guess what! It’s because there are different ways to interpret sex. Sex for me is a closeness with a person. It’s an electric feeling, pulse rising, body shaking moment. It can also be powerful, yet vulnerable. It’s not just about making yourself feel good it’s about making the person your with feel everything. Making them feel safe, comfortable, confident and of course sexy. This isn’t taught to us and honestly I really think it should be. Schools say they have sex education but do they? Because I don’t remember learning these things. All I’ve been taught is that a man puts his penis in a vagina and that’s sex. But sorry it really isn’t, especially after being in a Lesbian relationship, that is far from what sex is all about. If you teach kids this then they won’t get to experience a healthy sexual relationship. I don’t believe that this will make teens have more sex at all. It just gives them more knowledge and understanding and for me this can only bring a positive outcome.

Rape. I am only 29 years old and the amount of women I have heard to of been sexually assault is horrific. Of course Men can also be raped and this shouldn’t be hidden. Sadly there are people out there that have been raped and it not only breaks them in that moment it ruins there life completely. However because we are a society of silence many rapists get a way with doing this disgusting act. If sex was talked about more within communities many people would find it easier to talk about when it’s important.

Knowing your own body is such a liberating and beautiful thing and yet so many don’t seem to know what is going on down there! Women have always been made to feel guilty or dirty for anything related to their vagina. Why is this still happening? I find it mind blowing. Our connection with our bodies is so important for many reasons. For one it tells us what we like and don’t like. Secondly if we are more comfortable with ourselves things like smear testing for cervical cancer won’t be as scary. Many women don’t get tested out of embarrassment and this needs to change.

I’m not going to be miserable in relationships because I can’t connect with my vagina. That’s another thing. Why is it so hard for people to say the word vagina! That’s what it is people don’t feel ashamed to say it! Talking about it, looking at it and touching it is all perfectly natural. Let’s face it if your not in a relationship you need to let go somehow.

Sexual identity is part of my life and always has been. I love who I am but it doesn’t come easily. Again another subject that isn’t talked about enough at school. I didn’t even know what same sex relationships were until quite late on and this was due to lack of knowledge. Every human being deserves happiness and love and it doesn’t matter what gender this is with.

Safe sex. This is important of course for many reasons. Both sexual diseases and pregnancy. As much as you should have a good time your health is very important and shouldn’t be neglected. I had my daughter through IUI,third attempt I fell pregnant. The journey of fertility treatment is so scary and long and in many cases devastating. So when those who have sex thinking it’s ok I can just take the morning after pill, maybe just think about all those who are really trying to conceive and can’t.

I wrote this article as I really feel sex should be talked about more, explored more and just bloody enjoyed more! It’s 2021 everyone if you can’t get in touch with yourself now then you never will! Don’t be afraid to just be more open with yourself and to others. It won’t help your confidence if you can’t even talk about it. Not only that talking about sex with your partner creates a special intimacy you can’t always get from touch.

So have a think ladies and gents about your sex life. Whether it’s alone or with someone else. Talk to your friends about theirs. Talk to your children about healthy relationships and their bodies so they grow up to be confident to say yes and no when it comes to sex. I could keep going but I will just let you get going…

Be caring to yourself xx