How to survive the terrible twos!

For those of you who don’t have kids, this is an actual thing! You have these little babies who yes cry and need to be held a lot and then they start to move and walk or run and everything you knew you now don’t know.

My what was quiet house is now a daily shout and scream zone with hints of attitude and melt downs haha. Yes I’m laughing because if you don’t it will be you having the melt down.

I’m a single parent to a two year old girl. She is the most amazing little diva who is full of life and laughter but my god she can have a stand down! That’s right it’s like having a teenager already! It’s exhausting trying to be this amazing parent who tries their hardest to parent by those self help books we all purchase. At the end of the day you do what you can to survive when your on your own. I don’t have the middle of the night support from a partner so I have to just have her in bed with me when it comes to her waking up or I will literally look like a zombie the next day. This won’t help the being single part!

When you aren’t part of a tag team you have to just try and keep the peace in the house or let’s be honest life just won’t be enjoyable and we will all have a 24/7 migraine. Lately my little one is learning to share her things which it isn’t easy and I understand that and try explain it to her. Her reaction is quite different and just tantrums her way out of it or just ignores me completely haha. I’ve done my best though I’ve tried to teach her the way of life and if she isn’t listening to that well there isn’t much I can do? So I’ve learnt to just give myself a break from feeling so bad about it all. We can’t force them to do things especially at 2 years old. We have to accept that in time these things will come into place.

I took my little one to a playground the other day and she was upset as she doesn’t understand that everyone can go on the play equipment she thinks only she can go on it. I tried to explain and help her be confident but about 20 minutes later I said let’s go home so we did. However the whole journey home she was shouting in the car that she didn’t get to go on the playground. Now this is when you grit your teeth and smile it off haha. They just don’t understand yet and it’s frustrating for you because you don’t have anyone to help you with this. While I was on the walk I actually noticed a couple with their child. Same age as mine probably. The child wasn’t listening to them. The mum kept trying to explain and then the dad came over and said the same thing and helped the mum. It’s so hard being a single mum in these situations because you feel like your fighting a loosing battle!

It is so important that we don’t judge each other as parents as every situation is different and we all have our struggles even if your a couple. The thing to note is that if you are alone and your really trying but you feel it’s not getting anywhere, IT’S OK! It will get better but for now give yourself a break. Raising a child is the most wonderful yet difficult thing you will ever do. There will be ups and downs but if your kids know your there for them and love them well that’s enough for now.

Be caring to yourself xx

SEX! Let’s just talk about it.

The word sex has always been trivial. It creates questions, judgement, secrets and pain. However it should also create passion, fantasy and connection not just with your partner but also with yourself.

A person can have sex for many reasons. It could be to have intimacy with your lover, for fun with someone your dating or with yourself to just let yourself go for once. Unfortunately sex has been made to make us feel shameful and guilty if it’s not for the right reasons; being in a relationship with someone you love.

I’ve recently been thinking about the depth of sex. It’s not talked about enough with friends or family and definitely not in school. Sex can be complicated and we all need a greater understanding of what it is and what could be involved. Firstly I’d like to write about the basics.

What is sex?? Many may think this is a stupid thing to say but If you ask your friends I’m pretty sure they will all come up with different answers. Guess what! It’s because there are different ways to interpret sex. Sex for me is a closeness with a person. It’s an electric feeling, pulse rising, body shaking moment. It can also be powerful, yet vulnerable. It’s not just about making yourself feel good it’s about making the person your with feel everything. Making them feel safe, comfortable, confident and of course sexy. This isn’t taught to us and honestly I really think it should be. Schools say they have sex education but do they? Because I don’t remember learning these things. All I’ve been taught is that a man puts his penis in a vagina and that’s sex. But sorry it really isn’t, especially after being in a Lesbian relationship, that is far from what sex is all about. If you teach kids this then they won’t get to experience a healthy sexual relationship. I don’t believe that this will make teens have more sex at all. It just gives them more knowledge and understanding and for me this can only bring a positive outcome.

Rape. I am only 29 years old and the amount of women I have heard to of been sexually assault is horrific. Of course Men can also be raped and this shouldn’t be hidden. Sadly there are people out there that have been raped and it not only breaks them in that moment it ruins there life completely. However because we are a society of silence many rapists get a way with doing this disgusting act. If sex was talked about more within communities many people would find it easier to talk about when it’s important.

Knowing your own body is such a liberating and beautiful thing and yet so many don’t seem to know what is going on down there! Women have always been made to feel guilty or dirty for anything related to their vagina. Why is this still happening? I find it mind blowing. Our connection with our bodies is so important for many reasons. For one it tells us what we like and don’t like. Secondly if we are more comfortable with ourselves things like smear testing for cervical cancer won’t be as scary. Many women don’t get tested out of embarrassment and this needs to change.

I’m not going to be miserable in relationships because I can’t connect with my vagina. That’s another thing. Why is it so hard for people to say the word vagina! That’s what it is people don’t feel ashamed to say it! Talking about it, looking at it and touching it is all perfectly natural. Let’s face it if your not in a relationship you need to let go somehow.

Sexual identity is part of my life and always has been. I love who I am but it doesn’t come easily. Again another subject that isn’t talked about enough at school. I didn’t even know what same sex relationships were until quite late on and this was due to lack of knowledge. Every human being deserves happiness and love and it doesn’t matter what gender this is with.

Safe sex. This is important of course for many reasons. Both sexual diseases and pregnancy. As much as you should have a good time your health is very important and shouldn’t be neglected. I had my daughter through IUI,third attempt I fell pregnant. The journey of fertility treatment is so scary and long and in many cases devastating. So when those who have sex thinking it’s ok I can just take the morning after pill, maybe just think about all those who are really trying to conceive and can’t.

I wrote this article as I really feel sex should be talked about more, explored more and just bloody enjoyed more! It’s 2021 everyone if you can’t get in touch with yourself now then you never will! Don’t be afraid to just be more open with yourself and to others. It won’t help your confidence if you can’t even talk about it. Not only that talking about sex with your partner creates a special intimacy you can’t always get from touch.

So have a think ladies and gents about your sex life. Whether it’s alone or with someone else. Talk to your friends about theirs. Talk to your children about healthy relationships and their bodies so they grow up to be confident to say yes and no when it comes to sex. I could keep going but I will just let you get going…

Be caring to yourself xx

Why do we Label?

I’m all for identity and being yourself and until now labelling wasn’t really an issue for me. It’s 2021 and there are so many labels that I can’t actually keep up. I’m most likely going to accidentally offend someone.

Lately though I feel these labels are taking away attention from who we are as individuals. I would usually describe myself as a 29 year old vegan lesbian mum of one. As true as this information is it doesn’t tell you anything about who I am. It doesn’t say what movies I enjoy, how I like my cup of tea or what makes me happy.

I’m trying to figure out whether we use these labels for ourselves as reaffirmation or if we use it for others to identify us in a convenient way. The problem I find with labels is that people put themselves into these categories and feel like that’s it for life. What if you change who you are? Are you then going to get questioned or judged? Is someone going to look at you differently or not include you?

I feel like I’m in a place in my life where I want to explore and find myself and everyone should be able to do this without feeling like they are going outside of their label. I’m not necessarily going to go out of my label but what I’m trying to get at is that I don’t want to feel guilty for it if I do or scrutinised by others.

We shouldn’t have to feel so constricted and what is also interesting is that the labels we have is just to show how we are different from the so called norms. You wouldn’t get a straight person saying they straight as heterosexual relationships are seen as normal. The same goes for those who eat meat and those who are Christian.

I guess what I’m trying to say is don’t take labels too literal and don’t feel the need to use them to describe yourself. Yes they are a part of you but there is so much more people will want to know about you. Your allowed to just enjoy your life. Don’t limit yourself because you feel like you have to.

Be caring to yourself xx