Where has the time gone!

I started a new job this week working part time over 4 days. My daughter who is 3 goes to nursery while I am at work.

I have to say being a single parent to a toddler while working a pretty busy job is very tiring and time consuming.

My day currently is from about 7am If I’m lucky to about 7pm. This doesn’t include the times I’m woke up every single night. Luckily my little one is not too bad behaved at the moment at least haha.

So before it was busy with my daughter however at least when I was at home with her I could get some jobs done at the same time. Today I dropped her off at nursery, went to work, did a food shop,picked her up made dinner and it went on and on 🤣

I was making dinner and staring at the washing up from the day and thought omg it never ends haha. Not only that where has the time gone. My day just disappeared. I landed up washing up,drying up and sweeping my downstairs all while dinner was cooking as I really couldn’t see another opportunity if I wanted to at least relax for a little bit.

I do receive benefits and I am grateful for this I really am it means I have a house for my daughter and I. However now she is 3 and I am working I can’t help feel that some people don’t understand how hard it is for single parents that have no support at all. It’s 7 days a week 365 days a year non stop. No days off just keep going and going. I love being a parent however hearing people complain about the fact they didn’t do anything at the weekend does make me laugh. I don’t even remember what it feels like to sit on a Saturday afternoon and just peacefully watch a movie or something.

I have always prioritised my time because if I didn’t I’m not actually sure how I would cope to be honest. My house would be a mess, I would be a mess and well my child wouldn’t have the support she deserves.

What I’m trying to say is if you have a friend or family member that you know is by themselves with children and they are non stop maybe offer some support. Any little thing can be a huge help for someone like me! To all those mums and dads in the same position your are superheros!

Be kind and caring xx

Waiting for the good to happen…

I’ve always struggled with seeing the positive in life. My mother got cancer when I was 15 and it hit me like a brick wall. I then had some tough years with my identity and then some rather poor relationship choices.

My mother is a worrier. Unfortunately this has been passed on to me, even more so when my mum was ill. So how do we get out of this negative rut?

About a month ago after 15 years of being clear from cancer my poor mum got diagnosed again with secondary cancer. This news took me back to being a 15 year old teenager. I’m pretty sure it’s still not hitting me. A part of me just isn’t allowing it to hit me because I know the effects it will have.

A couple of weeks ago I had some good and unexpected news about a house I’ve been waiting for. I’ve been so busy with planning it all that I’ve been able to control my feelings with my mum. Yes she is still very poorly and it’s really upsetting but I’m not on the floor crying. This has made me question my whole worrying and negative process I put myself through all the time.

Maybe if I were to think more about the fact something exciting is going to happen than waiting for the negative I might be able to get through life just that little bit better.

For those of you that are in this negative battle try and focus on something that could be in your reach. Whether it is a new job, a treat for yourself or just having a day without your anxiety. It could be the difference between being on antidepressants and being able to cope by yourself.

Take care of yourself, be positive xx

How to survive the terrible twos!

For those of you who don’t have kids, this is an actual thing! You have these little babies who yes cry and need to be held a lot and then they start to move and walk or run and everything you knew you now don’t know.

My what was quiet house is now a daily shout and scream zone with hints of attitude and melt downs haha. Yes I’m laughing because if you don’t it will be you having the melt down.

I’m a single parent to a two year old girl. She is the most amazing little diva who is full of life and laughter but my god she can have a stand down! That’s right it’s like having a teenager already! It’s exhausting trying to be this amazing parent who tries their hardest to parent by those self help books we all purchase. At the end of the day you do what you can to survive when your on your own. I don’t have the middle of the night support from a partner so I have to just have her in bed with me when it comes to her waking up or I will literally look like a zombie the next day. This won’t help the being single part!

When you aren’t part of a tag team you have to just try and keep the peace in the house or let’s be honest life just won’t be enjoyable and we will all have a 24/7 migraine. Lately my little one is learning to share her things which it isn’t easy and I understand that and try explain it to her. Her reaction is quite different and just tantrums her way out of it or just ignores me completely haha. I’ve done my best though I’ve tried to teach her the way of life and if she isn’t listening to that well there isn’t much I can do? So I’ve learnt to just give myself a break from feeling so bad about it all. We can’t force them to do things especially at 2 years old. We have to accept that in time these things will come into place.

I took my little one to a playground the other day and she was upset as she doesn’t understand that everyone can go on the play equipment she thinks only she can go on it. I tried to explain and help her be confident but about 20 minutes later I said let’s go home so we did. However the whole journey home she was shouting in the car that she didn’t get to go on the playground. Now this is when you grit your teeth and smile it off haha. They just don’t understand yet and it’s frustrating for you because you don’t have anyone to help you with this. While I was on the walk I actually noticed a couple with their child. Same age as mine probably. The child wasn’t listening to them. The mum kept trying to explain and then the dad came over and said the same thing and helped the mum. It’s so hard being a single mum in these situations because you feel like your fighting a loosing battle!

It is so important that we don’t judge each other as parents as every situation is different and we all have our struggles even if your a couple. The thing to note is that if you are alone and your really trying but you feel it’s not getting anywhere, IT’S OK! It will get better but for now give yourself a break. Raising a child is the most wonderful yet difficult thing you will ever do. There will be ups and downs but if your kids know your there for them and love them well that’s enough for now.

Be caring to yourself xx

Gardening & Mental Health

For the last four days I have been clearing out my garden. Originally I was just going to remove a heather that had surrounded one of my palms. It then lead to weeding the border of plants and well now four days later I’ve had a big transformation of my garden.

We have been super lucky to have had such beautiful weather. The sun is definitely a mood changer for me and I am a lot more cheery and have more energy on sunny days. Today it’s cold and cloudy and all I want is to snuggle into a blanket. Since I’m sitting and not doing as much I am noticing my mood. Not that I’m in a dark place but it’s the fact I am noticing it.

Since I was born I have been a really active child always playing outside and keeping busy and this went into teenage years and as a young adult. Then I met an ex partner and I drifted into a more relaxed person. By the way this felt so uncomfortable for me. I felt irritable not doing things. While I’m sitting here writing this I’m recognising I am not a relaxing person. Don’t get me wrong I love a hot bath and a sit in the sun! But I fidget all the time it’s like my body wants to do more. I’m looking around what I can do next. I’m sure there are many of you reading this thinking I’m either crazy and need to chill out or there are the other people similar to me thinking well that’s ok to be active most the time.

So back to gardening. I’ve had such a nice time clearing out the gardening and making my patio nice with pot plants. I haven’t had a second to think of anything negative and I haven’t had any anxiety because of this business. It’s been really nice. They say that spring cleaning in the house is a good way to create a space in your mind and well for me the garden has been the same. A mixture of the sun, fresh air and clearing up has almost been therapy for me. Plus the added time spent with my daughter blowing bubbles brought my inner child out which was really lovely.

I made sure I have made my garden easy to maintain but also an opportunity to get outside more. Just going to water the plants or do some weeding will give me the opportunity to get out of my mindset and just enjoy being in the moment. It is also nice to just put the phone down too as that’s something I can struggle with when I’m indoors.

For those of you who don’t have a garden but have a window ledge why don’t you think of having some indoor plants or even some tomato plants etc. Bring outside in and try being with nature a little more instead of the daily electronics that take over our lives.

Be caring to yourself xx

No more Dummy/pacifier

Every parent tries their hardest not to use a dummy with their baby. Thing is it’s not that easy sometimes. I didn’t buy any at the start. I had one that came with my bottle set though and one evening my daughter woke up in the night and was not happy and was screaming down the house. Only weeks old at the time. I was exhausted and she wouldn’t let me put her down. Trying to make her milk at the same time was just not working out. So I did it. I got the dummy out and peace was restored. She is now 30 months old.

So I’m not actually a fan of the dummy for a couple reasons. One being that it can effect their speech. Children are more likely to pronounce words more with a lisp or incorrectly if they talk with their dummy in. Secondly it can have an effect on their teeth and oral hygiene. Thirdly it becomes a safety and comfort support which is not always helpful.

So I knew she would be starting nursery next month and I really don’t want her going there with a dummy. Main reason I can’t keep an eye if it falls on the floor and it’s not cleaned before it goes back in her mouth and this is a big problem for me. So it was time to say goodbye to the dummy for the daytime at least.

So what method did I use? I didn’t actually plan this by the way. I just sat there one morning and said to myself let’s do this!

I told my daughter to come into the kitchen and explained to her that there wasn’t going to be a daytime dummy anymore and that they were going to be taken by a fairy. I said they have to go into the bin and she will collect them when we aren’t looking and in return she will give you some chocolate buttons for being so kind to her.

Ok this worked! I was shocked to be honest but thank god it actually seemed to of worked. I then went on to say she will bring one dummy back at night time as you have shared it in the day. So before bed I say let’s check your special pot to see if she has left your dummy. Honestly her face was so happy when she saw she had left it and she got so excited it was adorable to see.

Since then, which was about two weeks ago she has only mentioned the dummy a couple of times. Usually when she hurts herself. I explain to her that she doesn’t have the dummy anymore in the daytime but i will comfort her and give her a cuddle and this seems to help. This was another worry that she would hurt herself or be upset and the only way she would be ok is with a dummy and I want her to learn to share her feelings and cope in a better way as she can’t have her dummy forever.

I waited this long to loose the dummy as she still also hasn’t got all her teeth so teething has been an issue and it was her pain relief. Now I suggest Calpol to her and she either has it or doesn’t it’s up to her.

All I would say is don’t stress too much about it,do it when you are ready otherwise it can be quite overwhelming and don’t make the situation too upsetting for your little one. These things take time like it does if your an adult and give something up. There may be steps backwards but in the end your trying your best for your little ones. Hope my tip helps anyone wanting to try! Please feel free to ask any more questions in the comments section.

Be caring to yourself xx

Routines

I am a person who likes a routine of some sort. By this I mean I generally get up in the morning and get ready, have breakfast and get my daughter ready at the same time.

I find being organised helps me to feel less overwhelmed and a little more in control. Even preparing clothes for the next day can take that 10 minutes of deciding away.

So knowing I like routine I have always been pretty strict with creating a good one for my daughter. From morning to night we both know what will happen in certain times of the day and this way she is never surprised when I’m saying it’s bedtime.

In the morning we always do the boring task of getting dressed first and going to the toilet. I think most adults do this one without noticing. We then have breakfast together and then teeth brushing before the day begins. I let her have a choice of breakfast, that isn’t part of a routine. However she still has her soya drink. Same goes for lunch and dinner. I give her a couple of options to choose from.

Now we also have routine of leaving the house. Let’s face it when you have a two year old, a hyper dog and bags to get out the house it can be rather stressful. So I normally get things ready before I start calling everyone. I get my own coat on first then My daughter while my dog I put outside if it’s dry because she will knock my child over out of excitement bless her. I find this works best.

The most important of all is the routine we have at bedtime. Now there may be some of you that don’t really stick to a time. However I have since I can remember and I find it helpful for both of us. My daughter doesn’t nap in the daytime so her bedtime is quite early at about 6pm. We have dinner before hand, then a bath and then straight to bed. I lay out her pjs and anything else she needs while the bath is running so I’m not trying to find her teddy she sleeps with while she is meant to be sleeping. I never read with her in bedtime routine as I feel it just excites her and wakes her up. I then lie her down, give her a kiss and that’s it. She knows I’ll always come to her if she needs me as I have since birth. I wasn’t a parent that let their child cry I’ve always cuddled her to sleep when she was very small and I believe this has given her the confidence and security that she needs.

Routine has been such a big part of raising my daughter and I will always stick to it. It gives reassurance to my daughter and it takes away stressful situations that can lead to those arguments. Also if the child knows how it is they are less likely to play up and ask for something else that adds another 30 minutes to your evening.

Have a think about some stressful times you have with your child and maybe start to incorporate a routine. Even the smallest change can make a huge difference to both your lives.

Be caring to yourself xx