The word sex has always been trivial. It creates questions, judgement, secrets and pain. However it should also create passion, fantasy and connection not just with your partner but also with yourself.
A person can have sex for many reasons. It could be to have intimacy with your lover, for fun with someone your dating or with yourself to just let yourself go for once. Unfortunately sex has been made to make us feel shameful and guilty if it’s not for the right reasons; being in a relationship with someone you love.
I’ve recently been thinking about the depth of sex. It’s not talked about enough with friends or family and definitely not in school. Sex can be complicated and we all need a greater understanding of what it is and what could be involved. Firstly I’d like to write about the basics.
What is sex?? Many may think this is a stupid thing to say but If you ask your friends I’m pretty sure they will all come up with different answers. Guess what! It’s because there are different ways to interpret sex. Sex for me is a closeness with a person. It’s an electric feeling, pulse rising, body shaking moment. It can also be powerful, yet vulnerable. It’s not just about making yourself feel good it’s about making the person your with feel everything. Making them feel safe, comfortable, confident and of course sexy. This isn’t taught to us and honestly I really think it should be. Schools say they have sex education but do they? Because I don’t remember learning these things. All I’ve been taught is that a man puts his penis in a vagina and that’s sex. But sorry it really isn’t, especially after being in a Lesbian relationship, that is far from what sex is all about. If you teach kids this then they won’t get to experience a healthy sexual relationship. I don’t believe that this will make teens have more sex at all. It just gives them more knowledge and understanding and for me this can only bring a positive outcome.
Rape. I am only 29 years old and the amount of women I have heard to of been sexually assault is horrific. Of course Men can also be raped and this shouldn’t be hidden. Sadly there are people out there that have been raped and it not only breaks them in that moment it ruins there life completely. However because we are a society of silence many rapists get a way with doing this disgusting act. If sex was talked about more within communities many people would find it easier to talk about when it’s important.
Knowing your own body is such a liberating and beautiful thing and yet so many don’t seem to know what is going on down there! Women have always been made to feel guilty or dirty for anything related to their vagina. Why is this still happening? I find it mind blowing. Our connection with our bodies is so important for many reasons. For one it tells us what we like and don’t like. Secondly if we are more comfortable with ourselves things like smear testing for cervical cancer won’t be as scary. Many women don’t get tested out of embarrassment and this needs to change.
I’m not going to be miserable in relationships because I can’t connect with my vagina. That’s another thing. Why is it so hard for people to say the word vagina! That’s what it is people don’t feel ashamed to say it! Talking about it, looking at it and touching it is all perfectly natural. Let’s face it if your not in a relationship you need to let go somehow.
Sexual identity is part of my life and always has been. I love who I am but it doesn’t come easily. Again another subject that isn’t talked about enough at school. I didn’t even know what same sex relationships were until quite late on and this was due to lack of knowledge. Every human being deserves happiness and love and it doesn’t matter what gender this is with.
Safe sex. This is important of course for many reasons. Both sexual diseases and pregnancy. As much as you should have a good time your health is very important and shouldn’t be neglected. I had my daughter through IUI,third attempt I fell pregnant. The journey of fertility treatment is so scary and long and in many cases devastating. So when those who have sex thinking it’s ok I can just take the morning after pill, maybe just think about all those who are really trying to conceive and can’t.
I wrote this article as I really feel sex should be talked about more, explored more and just bloody enjoyed more! It’s 2021 everyone if you can’t get in touch with yourself now then you never will! Don’t be afraid to just be more open with yourself and to others. It won’t help your confidence if you can’t even talk about it. Not only that talking about sex with your partner creates a special intimacy you can’t always get from touch.
So have a think ladies and gents about your sex life. Whether it’s alone or with someone else. Talk to your friends about theirs. Talk to your children about healthy relationships and their bodies so they grow up to be confident to say yes and no when it comes to sex. I could keep going but I will just let you get going…
Be caring to yourself xx