How to survive the terrible twos!

For those of you who don’t have kids, this is an actual thing! You have these little babies who yes cry and need to be held a lot and then they start to move and walk or run and everything you knew you now don’t know.

My what was quiet house is now a daily shout and scream zone with hints of attitude and melt downs haha. Yes I’m laughing because if you don’t it will be you having the melt down.

I’m a single parent to a two year old girl. She is the most amazing little diva who is full of life and laughter but my god she can have a stand down! That’s right it’s like having a teenager already! It’s exhausting trying to be this amazing parent who tries their hardest to parent by those self help books we all purchase. At the end of the day you do what you can to survive when your on your own. I don’t have the middle of the night support from a partner so I have to just have her in bed with me when it comes to her waking up or I will literally look like a zombie the next day. This won’t help the being single part!

When you aren’t part of a tag team you have to just try and keep the peace in the house or let’s be honest life just won’t be enjoyable and we will all have a 24/7 migraine. Lately my little one is learning to share her things which it isn’t easy and I understand that and try explain it to her. Her reaction is quite different and just tantrums her way out of it or just ignores me completely haha. I’ve done my best though I’ve tried to teach her the way of life and if she isn’t listening to that well there isn’t much I can do? So I’ve learnt to just give myself a break from feeling so bad about it all. We can’t force them to do things especially at 2 years old. We have to accept that in time these things will come into place.

I took my little one to a playground the other day and she was upset as she doesn’t understand that everyone can go on the play equipment she thinks only she can go on it. I tried to explain and help her be confident but about 20 minutes later I said let’s go home so we did. However the whole journey home she was shouting in the car that she didn’t get to go on the playground. Now this is when you grit your teeth and smile it off haha. They just don’t understand yet and it’s frustrating for you because you don’t have anyone to help you with this. While I was on the walk I actually noticed a couple with their child. Same age as mine probably. The child wasn’t listening to them. The mum kept trying to explain and then the dad came over and said the same thing and helped the mum. It’s so hard being a single mum in these situations because you feel like your fighting a loosing battle!

It is so important that we don’t judge each other as parents as every situation is different and we all have our struggles even if your a couple. The thing to note is that if you are alone and your really trying but you feel it’s not getting anywhere, IT’S OK! It will get better but for now give yourself a break. Raising a child is the most wonderful yet difficult thing you will ever do. There will be ups and downs but if your kids know your there for them and love them well that’s enough for now.

Be caring to yourself xx

No more Dummy/pacifier

Every parent tries their hardest not to use a dummy with their baby. Thing is it’s not that easy sometimes. I didn’t buy any at the start. I had one that came with my bottle set though and one evening my daughter woke up in the night and was not happy and was screaming down the house. Only weeks old at the time. I was exhausted and she wouldn’t let me put her down. Trying to make her milk at the same time was just not working out. So I did it. I got the dummy out and peace was restored. She is now 30 months old.

So I’m not actually a fan of the dummy for a couple reasons. One being that it can effect their speech. Children are more likely to pronounce words more with a lisp or incorrectly if they talk with their dummy in. Secondly it can have an effect on their teeth and oral hygiene. Thirdly it becomes a safety and comfort support which is not always helpful.

So I knew she would be starting nursery next month and I really don’t want her going there with a dummy. Main reason I can’t keep an eye if it falls on the floor and it’s not cleaned before it goes back in her mouth and this is a big problem for me. So it was time to say goodbye to the dummy for the daytime at least.

So what method did I use? I didn’t actually plan this by the way. I just sat there one morning and said to myself let’s do this!

I told my daughter to come into the kitchen and explained to her that there wasn’t going to be a daytime dummy anymore and that they were going to be taken by a fairy. I said they have to go into the bin and she will collect them when we aren’t looking and in return she will give you some chocolate buttons for being so kind to her.

Ok this worked! I was shocked to be honest but thank god it actually seemed to of worked. I then went on to say she will bring one dummy back at night time as you have shared it in the day. So before bed I say let’s check your special pot to see if she has left your dummy. Honestly her face was so happy when she saw she had left it and she got so excited it was adorable to see.

Since then, which was about two weeks ago she has only mentioned the dummy a couple of times. Usually when she hurts herself. I explain to her that she doesn’t have the dummy anymore in the daytime but i will comfort her and give her a cuddle and this seems to help. This was another worry that she would hurt herself or be upset and the only way she would be ok is with a dummy and I want her to learn to share her feelings and cope in a better way as she can’t have her dummy forever.

I waited this long to loose the dummy as she still also hasn’t got all her teeth so teething has been an issue and it was her pain relief. Now I suggest Calpol to her and she either has it or doesn’t it’s up to her.

All I would say is don’t stress too much about it,do it when you are ready otherwise it can be quite overwhelming and don’t make the situation too upsetting for your little one. These things take time like it does if your an adult and give something up. There may be steps backwards but in the end your trying your best for your little ones. Hope my tip helps anyone wanting to try! Please feel free to ask any more questions in the comments section.

Be caring to yourself xx

The pressure of Child Milestones

I remember reading all of the pregnancy books and what to expect in your first year with your baby. Well all I want to say is don’t take what you read too seriously and stop worrying if your child isn’t quite doing things others are.

My first hurdle with my daughter was tummy time! Now this is one everyone seems so obsessed with. Yes I understand the reasoning and importance of it. However I had quite a sicky baby and it made it worse even if I timed it between feeds she just couldn’t do it without being sick bless her. So as a parent after reading all of these things I was thinking she wouldn’t get enough neck strength. All because these books and mum groups are constantly making it the biggest thing in the world. It made me feel like a terrible parent. My daughter has never had a problem with her neck she used to lean back a little when I held her and as she grew and started to move around herself she naturally got into the position she needed.

Next I had. Is your child not crawling yet, mine is almost walking. Well good for you but no I’m not forcing mine to do things when they aren’t ready. I’ve always let my daughter just do things when they are clearly ready. For one of when you force your child too early it can actually cause harm to their development as their brain hasn’t had time to catch up and learn how to do things for themselves.

For example I taught my daughter to use the potty at age 2 and a bit. I asked her and I had a potty in the house but she kept saying no so I told her it was ok and we will wait until she is ready. She is now two and a half rarely If ever has an accident because she was ready and she can actually communicate with me. For me it was important she could actually say mummy I need the toilet. Otherwise you have a 6 month old constantly wetting themselves because they don’t know how to say they need the toilet.

My child is a happy child. Who has had the chance to just be her and at her pace. Yes I spend a lot of time with her teaching her new things. The books I don’t read. Other opinions from mums who actually don’t know their kids I don’t listen to.

Basically get to know your child. I haven’t sent my daughter to nursery yet as she has started to have all her feelings and she can’t understand them yet. So I’m taking the time to tell her it’s ok and understand them herself.

You know your child more than anyone else and if they aren’t ready then they will be in time and when they do accomplish something they will be confident and happy because they have done it themselves and know and understand. Stop worrying about the little things and just enjoy being a mummy in their first few years. It’s so easy to get caught up in the milestones.

Be caring to yourself xx